The Adventures of a Tall Edward Elric
by TheAmbitiousWriter
Summary: All his life, Ed's wanted to be taller. Now, thanks to the help of a bizarre creature he comes across one day, his wish is about to be granted... but is this really what he wanted? One-shot. Full summary inside. Rated T 'cos I rate everything T.
So this is an idea I got from my friend when we saw a stuffed animal in a store that looked like a cross between a unicorn, a puppy, and a pony, and they called it a 'unipuppony'. Then later, a different friend gave me the writing prompt: "Ed meets a Unipuppony dressed as a fairy godmother that has an Indian accent and it uses its unicorn magic to make him taller." This was the result... it's kind of weird, but please enjoy, and if you like it, don't forget to leave a review!

―TheAmbitiousWriter

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M TOO SHORT TO RIDE?!" yelled Edward.

"It's okay, Brother," soothed Alphonse. "We can ride the merry-go-round instead…"

"THAT'S FOR LITTLE KIDS!" Ed seethed. "I can't ride anything…" He stormed off, deaf to his brother's pleadings. Ed and Al had come to visit the annual carnival that travelled around Amestris and had stopped in Central for a few days, but to Ed's dismay, one had to be at least five feet tall to ride any of the roller coasters.

Now, the young alchemist angrily trudged through the fairground, not paying any attention to where he was going. Why should height matter? It's not like how tall you were had any impact on how safe the ride was…

"Uwaaaah!" Suddenly, Edward lost his footing on the slippery, well-trodden grass and his legs flew out from under him. Too surprised to even yell, he tumbled down the steep hill on the edge of the fairground. At the bottom, his head struck something hard and he blacked out.

oOo

Edward opened his eyes, groaning. His head throbbed with an awful headache. Sitting up, he rubbed the back of his head with his flesh hand. He let out a small sigh and turned to the right, hoping to get his bearings.

"Are you okay?" came a voice. "You took a pretty hard blow to the head."

"Uh? Who's there?" Ed spun to the left in search of the voice's owner. When his gaze landed on the creature before him, however, he yelped in surprise.

"What the cr―" His voice abandoned him as he stared in shock at the impossible beast. It looked kind of like a chimera made with a young horse and dog, only there was a horn sticking out of its forehead. Like a unicorn _._ And a puppy. And a pony.

A _Unipuppony_.

"Surprised?" asked the Unipuppony. It was dressed in a lilac, shiny dress and had a strange, lilting accent― Edward couldn't quite place it. "I am a Unipuppony dressed like a fairy godmother with an Indian accent― it is a long story," it added, seeing Ed's confusion.

"I-I― you― am I hallucinating?" Edward stuttered. "I-I must have hit my head harder than I thought…"

"Hallucinating or not, you summoned me here, Edward Elric," the Unipuppony continued. "And now I shall grant you one wish."

"Eh?"

"One wish! Sheesh, it is not that hard to understand, is it?" The magical being shook its mane crossly. "Listen. You want to be taller, don't you?"

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M SHORT?!"

"Calm down!" The Unipuppony gazed unblinkingly down at the young alchemist. "This _is_ what you want, is it not?"

"Uh… y-yeah…"

"Then just say, 'I wish to be taller,' and I can make it happen."

"Can't I use my wish to get Al's body back?"

"Uh, no way, kid. I am not that powerful." The Unipuppony shuddered. "If I piss off that Truth jerk any more, I will not see this side of the Gate for centuries."

Edward looked up determinedly at the Unipuppony. "In that case… I wish to be taller!"

"You got it!" The Unipuppony lowered its horn to Ed's forehead. It began to pulse with a sparkly purple light. A warm feeling spread throughout the alchemist's body.

"Just do not forget, this spell will only last until midnight," the creature said. "So enjoy it while it lasts!"

The warm feeling got hotter. Soon it was beginning to burn him. Ed cried out, then his vision blurred and he lost consciousness.

oOo

After waking up the second time, Ed groaned and tried to go back to sleep. But he could not. Something felt really _weird._

He tried to sit up, but he just ended up sort of flopping over. Something was definitely different here.

"Brother!" Al's voice floated past him. "Brother, where are you?"

"Over here, Al!"

"Brother!" Edward spotted the familiar armour clanging its way towards him. "What happened? I couldn't find you, and then…" Alphonse trailed off. "Woah."

"Huh? What is it? Is something wrong?" Ed scooted up into a sitting position. He was a little wobbly, and he still felt really _off._

"Ed… What happened to you?" Al asked, at a loss.

"What do you mean?" Edward got to his feet shakily, but ended up falling into Al. His legs felt so _strange._

That's when he noticed he was using his little brother as an armrest.

"Al! I'm― I'm taller than you!" He let out a shout of joy. "I'm taller than you!" Ed looked down, noting that his legs were a lot longer, and his arms were as well to balance the growth. It was like a giant growth spurt had occurred in the space of a single day. And even his automail was longer! Woo-hoo!

"How did you do this, Brother?" asked Al excitedly.

"Uh… I fell down the hill and met a Unipuppony, and it told me it could make me taller…"

"You met a _what?_ "

"It's a cross between a unicorn, a puppy, and a pony… apparently. And this one was dressed like a fairy godmother and had an Indian accent."

"Brother, are you sure you're alright?"

"Look at me! I'm tall, ain't I?" He laughed. "Of course I'm alright! I'm _better_ than alright!" He got to his feet, with some difficulty, and started loping off towards the hotel they were staying at. "C'mon, let's go show Winry!"

Al started to follow, but he noticed someone tugging on the leg of his armour. It was May.

"Alphonse," she whispered excitedly. "Who's _that?_ "

"Don't you recognise him? That's my brother."

"EHHHHH?!" she gasped, shocked. "That's Edward?! But… he was so little..!"

"DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!" shouted Ed, not looking back. He grinned. "'Cause I'm not anymore."

oOo

Edward sauntered up to the door of Winry's hotel room (after falling flat on his face multiple times) and knocked loudly. "Just a minute!" called a voice from inside. Footsteps approached the door, and it swung open to reveal a tired-looking Winry, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Hey, Winry," smiled Ed.

Winry yawned. "Hey, Ed… what're you doing here so early in the… oh, I guess it's noon… oops…" She blinked sleepily and looked up.

Neither said a word.

"Brother! Wait for me!" Al shouted, hurrying up the stairs. He paused when he saw Ed and Winry's silent staring contest. Noticing the smug grin on Ed's face, Al suppressed a giggle.

"Ed," Winry said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, Winry?"

"Did you finally start drinking your milk?" Al burst out laughing as Edward raged about how milk was the most evil of liquids. Some things, he thought, never changed, no matter how tall his brother became.

"C'mon, Al!" His brother's voice broke into Alphonse's thoughts. "Let's freak out the Colonel!"

"I gotta see that," Winry chuckled. "Let's go!" Ed sprinted for the stairs but tripped and ended up tumbling down the entire flight.

At the bottom, he crashed into something solid. He glanced up and saw a pair of legs― he'd tumbled straight into someone.

"Oh, uh, sorry," Ed stammered.

"You… You're State Alchemist Edward Elric, correct?" inquired a deep voice.

"Who's asking?" Edward looked up the large figure. They had brown skin and white hair, and an X-shaped scar on their forehead. Their eyes were obscured by a pair of dark glasses.

Instead of responding, the man raised his right arm and thrust it at Ed. The alchemist tried to duck, but forgot how tall he was and ended up falling over again. The scar-faced man's hand hit the wall behind Edward's head, and broke it into a million tiny pieces.

"Ed!" shouted Winy, concerned.

"Are you alright, Brother?" added Al.

"You're fast," said Scar, as Edward was beginning to think of the man. "But not fast enough." As Ed stumbled, yet again narrowly missing an attack, Scar spoke questioningly. "It's strange… It's as though your movements are restricted somehow. Like you aren't used to moving with that body."

"What the hell do you know?" yelled Edward. The scar-faced man had hit a little too close to home for his liking. "Who are you? Why are you attacking me?" Ed clapped his hands together and fought back using alchemy, but Scar easily dodged.

"You alchemists distort the natural creations of God. You profane things. Therefore, you must be purged!" Scar grabbed Ed's right arm, and with a crackling of lightning, destroyed it. "Now you cannot use your heretic's alchemy."

"My _automail!_ " shrieked Winry.

"And Brother!" Alphonse reminded her. The armour charged at Scar, managing to shove him out into the open street. Winry ran to Ed, who was staring, shocked, at the pile of gears and wires that used to be his arm.

Ed's heart was pounding. This was crazy! How had such an amazing day taken such a drastic turn for the worse so _quickly?_ He'd finally gotten taller! It was a dream come true (though he would much rather have gotten Al's body back, if he could have)! But now he was being attacked by some insane, scar-faced man!

"That blasted Unipuppony," Ed muttered. "I bet it's having a good laugh right now, watching me fight a crazy lunatic."

"Huh?" Winry asked, confused.

"Never mind. Let's help Al." The pair limped out into the street, just in time to see the scar-faced man blow Al's armour to pieces.

"NO! ALPHONSE!" screeched Ed.

"It's empty," Scar realised, surprised.

"Why, you…!" Ed ran at Scar, but the man easily threw him to the ground.

"You're a lot taller than I had heard," Scar pondered. "It surprised me."

"Shut up!" Scar reached for Edward, but was halted by a gunshot.

"You won't be killing anyone else today, Scar," called a familiar voice.

"Colonel!" Ed sighed, relieved.

"Wha― Fullmetal?! Is that you?!" Mustang reeled in over-dramatised shock. "What on earth _happened?!_ You're the size of a real person!"

"Would you just shut up and get the serial killer that's standing over me already?!" Edward retorted.

The sounds of battle faded into the background as Ed stared at the ground. He'd put Al and Winry in danger… Why had this happened? _How_ had this happened? He felt someone help him up to a sitting position, but didn't react to them. Everything seemed _surreal_.

"Woah! Ed! Finally hit your growth spurt, eh?" A voice broke into his thoughts.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes?"

"Yep! You know, I gotta tell Elicia how tall you've gotten all of a sudden! I bet now she'd even believe you're Alphonse's _older_ brother!" His voice had a note of teasing.

"Oh… Al!" Ed scrambled across the pavement, towards the still form of his younger brother's armour. "Al, are you okay?" He was met with a punch to the face. "OW! What the hell was that for?!"

"This is all your fault for being tall!"

"Wha― that doesn't even make sense!"

"You had to go show off your new tallness to Winry― and now she―"

"Winry?!" Edward whirled around to see a limp form lying on the stone ground, tangled blond hair spread around her head like a halo.

"WINRY!" shouted Ed. He was moving before he knew it, and fell over the unmoving mechanic, shaking with emotion. "Winry… no… Winry!" he sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"

"Uh… Ed?" said a voice from underneath him. "I'm… not dead…"

"W-what?" Edward's face turned beet-red. "I mean… I knew that! I just…" he floundered.

"Edward."

"Y-yeah?"

 _Smack._

"OW!" Ed tenderly rubbed the bump on his head from where the wrench had hit him. "Why?!"

"That," Winry said furiously, "was for breaking my automail, you dimwit!"

"You didn't have to hit me so hard!"

"Sorry. I forgot you're not short anymore and miscalculated." They both burst into fits of laughter at that statement.

Suddenly, Winry stopped moving. Lieutenant Hawkeye stopped chastising Colonel Mustang. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes stopped flashing his pictures of Elicia at everyone. The very rain froze in the air.

"Huh? W-what's going on?" Ed's voice echoed in the still street. "What _is_ this?"

"Hello again!" a familiar voice said in his ear.

"AAAAAGH!" Ed screeched. "The Unipuppony!"

"In the flesh," the being confirmed. "I just came to see how you were doing, you know, with your _tallness!_ "

"Oh, I'm fine. Attacked by a serial killer, but other than that, perfectly fine."

"I do not see a serial killer."

"I guess he got away." Ed glanced at Winry, frozen with her mouth still hanging open. "Do you mind… unfreezing time now?"

"Ah, you want to get back to your girlfriend?"

"She― she's not my girlfriend!" Edward shouted, but he felt his face heating up.

"Suuuure she is not. And _I_ am Fuhrer of Amestris." In a flash, the Unipuppony was gone, and the rain continued to fall normally.

"Why did you even come…?" Ed questioned.

"Huh?" Winry blinked. "Ed… Weren't you just standing over there…?"

"Uh… It's nothing…"

"Little chief!" called Breda. "I mean big chief! I mean big little chief!"

"Huh?" Ed was too confused to even comprehend that he'd indirectly been called short.

"How'd you get so _tall?_ " gaped Fuery.

"Colonel! We're throwing Ed a party!" yelled Havoc.

"A 'congratulations on finally getting taller' party!" cheered Falman.

Before Ed or Mustang could protest, the rowdy soldiers were carrying Edward away from the scene, singing 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' but replacing the words 'jolly good' with 'very tall'.

oOo

"Five days?!" Ed exclaimed.

"Three if I pull some all-nighters," Winry replied. "It's your own fault for getting your automail destroyed." She grinned. "Luckily, there are some great places to buy parts here in Central! The other day, I saw the most amazing calibrator― d'you think I could I could use that in your new arm? You do tend to swing it around a lot…"

Edward started to tune out Winry's machine-geek rambling, and instead looked around for Alphonse. He was, of course, in the same place as before, since half his armour had been destroyed by Scar and he wasn't too liable to move around anytime soon. Al looked pretty bored, just sitting in a crate; though without facial features, it was difficult to tell.

"So, tell us," Havoc said, coming up behind him and throwing an arm over his shoulder. "We're dying to know."

"Know what?"

"What sort of crazy alchemy you used to make yourself so tall, of course!" Ed squirmed under the older man's slight weight; this was beginning to touch a little too close upon the subject of human transmutation, which he tried to avoid, as too much information leaked could get him court-martialed.

"Well, I met a magical Unipuppony dressed as a fairy godmother with an Indian accent, and it said it would grant me one wish," Edward explained. "Obviously, first I wanted to get Al's body back, but it said it couldn't do that, so it made me taller instead."

"I see," Havoc stated simply. From his tone, it was plain that he didn't see at all. "Want some cake?"

"Um, thanks." The double chocolate cake with chocolate frosting looked delicious. "Where exactly did you get cake?"

"We sent Fuery out to get some. No clue where he got it, though."

"Okay…"

The party continued on well into the evening and night. No one seemed to want to leave, so it just kept going. Even the Colonel abandoned his paperwork (probably quite easily) and joined the merrymaking. Havoc was having so much fun he forgot to smoke.

"Heyyy, Edward! Have some beer!"

"I'm fifteen, you idiot!"

"Whaaat?"

"Don't make a minor drink!" Havoc burst out into giggles.

"'Kay…"

Apparently Winry had left with Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, likely to get started on Ed's arm. The only partygoers remaining were Ed, Al, Mustang, Hawkeye, Breda, Havoc, Falman, Fuery, and Black Hayate, who was quite the party animal.

After a while, Edward turned around from his conversation with Lieutenant Hawkeye, only to find that every single other person in the room had passed out (including the Colonel, who looked quite hilarious splayed out on the couch).

"Sheesh!" he exclaimed. "How much did they _drink?_ "

"Even you, Black Hayate?" muttered the Lieutenant, picking up the unconscious canine.

Suddenly, a piercing scream was heard through the wall. Ed nearly tripped over Mustang in his surprise. The crackling of alchemical lightning could be heard through the thin walls of the Colonel's living room.

"It's Scar," hissed Riza. "I didn't think he'd try again so soon…"

"Wh-what do we do?" Ed asked nervously.

"Quick, hide in the cupboard. You're the one he's after." She quickly threw a blanket over Mustang. Edward pried open the door of a mostly empty cupboard and tried to climb inside, but he was quickly met with a problem.

"L-Lieutenant!" he gasped. "I'm _too tall!_ "

"What?!" Riza leaped over the couch and started removing the clutter from the bottom of the cupboard. Footsteps quietly thunked closer and closer to the door.

"He's _coming_ ―"

"I _know!_ " The Lieutenant revised her strategy to attempting to shove Ed into the cupboard, to no avail. All the while, Scar drew steadily nearer― he was at the door― the doorknob rattled―

"Come _on!_ " Riza whispered frantically.

As the clock struck midnight, Scar forced the door open and burst into the room. He looked around at the still forms of Mustang's team, but failing to spot his prey, he turned and left.

Inside the cupboard, Edward sighed with relief, adrenaline finally fading. Just in time, he had returned to his normal height. After waiting nearly twenty minutes to be sure Scar was really gone, Ed clambered out of the small space.

"That was really too close, wasn't it?" The Unipuppony's voice startled him and he jumped.

"You again?"

"Well, it _is_ midnight, which is when I told you the spell would wear off. So it is pretty obvious why I am here."

"You jerk! I almost _died!_ "

"So now you see how tallness can be both a blessing, and a curse."

"This whole thing was supposed to be a _lesson?_ "

"Well, no. But it seems to have worked out like that, hmm?"

"Wha―!"

"In any case, I think it would be best if you woke up now. Your brother might be starting to worry about you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Isn't it obvious? This whole thing has been a dream from the beginning."

"What?!" Ed looked down. His hand was starting to turn see-through. _I'm… I'm disappearing!_

"Brother!"

Edward jolted awake. He opened his eyes to see Al leaning over him. "Brother, are you okay?"

Sitting up, Ed realised he was back at the fairground, at the bottom of the hill he'd fallen down. _So the whole thing was a dream, starting from when I hit my head and passed out._

"Hey, Al," he said quietly. "Let's ride the merry-go-round."

"I thought you said that was for little kids."

"Maybe… maybe sometimes it's _good_ to be little." As Edward walked back into the fair with his brother, neither noticed a small, pink creature, that could have been a cross between a unicorn, a puppy, and a pony, slip into the forest.

THE END


End file.
